Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
