how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
