im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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