Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
