did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
