so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
