singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
