i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
