I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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