I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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