my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
