Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
