i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
