so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
