hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
