I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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