what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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