I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I faked an abortion last night.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
