She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
