Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
