i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
