big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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