I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
