there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
