I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
you never un-have a 4some
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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