do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
