remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
