I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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