my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
