even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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