Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
