ugly people sure do ruin things
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
