everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
