I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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