My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
As shirtless as possible
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
