how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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