i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
