He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
