someone threw a dead crab at me
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
