So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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