we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
