I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
