Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
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