just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
