I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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