better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
