A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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