theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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