think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
