I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
