She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
