My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
